If I lose Myself
by Expert Shinobi
Summary: A lemony little one-shot with Liz and Cunningham, because no one wants to spend New Year's Eve alone.


If I lose Myself

Cunningham x Liz

Song: If I lose Myself – One Republic

AN: I know I know I know! I haven't even begun to finish WTIWO, but I'm going through such writer's block on that piece. Hopefully I'll be able to put out something soon, but in the meantime, I thought I'd throw out some CunningLiz (?) Lizzex (?) for the new year! Totally a non-cannon pairing, but I think they'd be cute. Sue me!

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><p>Her head was swimming. After neglecting to grab dinner that evening, three drinks in and Liz was already clutching the bar for support. It was a bad idea to come alone. She knew it, but pushed herself anyway. She was notorious for being a recluse at these sorts of parties, but for some reason, she'd let herself be convinced.<p>

'Some reason…' Liz scoffed to herself. She knew the reason. It was _him_.

"_Going to the New Years Eve thing tonight?" Takeshi panted. Next to him, Liz watched lazily as the young forward stretched out his calves against a park bench. _

_Even though the racing season was over, the team had made a pact to keep conditioning in the meantime. Amy made the suggestion of a daily 6am jog, and begrudgingly, the Liz and Takeshi agreed. But once Amy had gone home to visit her parents for the break, the early morning trio was whittled down to a rather lazy duo._

_Instead of the usual 5 miles a day, they'd bonded over 1.5 before a huge breakfast tradition of pancakes and bacon. _

"_New Years Eve thing?" Liz tried to sound uncaring. _

"_Don't act like you don't have any idea…" Takeshi grabbed her water bottle for a quick swig. "Come on, go! They rented out SkyBar, so everyone's gonna be there!"_

"_Oh yeah?" Liz stretched her arms above her head. "Who's everybody?"_

"_You know… all the teams – White Snow, Velshtein, Skylark…" He swung an arm around Liz's shoulder, oblivious to the way she tensed up. "And of course, yours truly!"_

"_Well…" Liz shoved his arm away playfully. "I guess I could stop by for a bit."_

"_Stay the whole time!" Takeshi urged. "We can have drinks together until the ball drops –it's an open bar!"_

_Liz looked unsure. She 'd never been a huge partier. "I don't think—_

"—_don't think.. Just promise me!" Takeshi held up his pinky finger with a grin. "You show, I show." _

_Liz stared at his hand for the longest time before cracking a smile._

"_Fine."_

Well… he hadn't lied.

He showed.

Just…not alone.

There, in the corner of the bar, the Fantine and Takeshi seemed to be in a world all their own. From the moment they'd strolled in together, fashionably late, the two were attached at the hip. And now, with only 20 minutes to midnight, were getting a head start on the New Year's Eve kissing festivities.

"What am I doing here?" Liz whispered to herself. It had been beyond deluded of her to believe Takeshi had been asking her out. They were friends. Nothing more.

And yet, she'd spent hours getting ready for the party. For him. With Amy on the phone she'd travelled to a number of stores until finally settling on a new dress – a shimmery, close-fitting, short little number she normally wouldn't have been caught dead in. But Amy had been so enthusiastic, and she had to admit, she did rather like the way it clung to her curves, showing off the trim form she'd worked hard for at the gym.

And yet…

She fought to avert her gaze back to the bar-top, and played with the slim black straw in her tumbler.

"Hey, can I get you another?" A deep voice startled her out of her daze.

Liz turned around quickly, hoping to see a familiar face, but was startled by Team Velshstein forward, Alex Cunningham. She shouldn't have been surprised to see him there – the event was open to all teams, but still. They'd never really interacted off the strip before. And certainly not without Takeshi nearby.

"I..." she looked at her empty glass and then pursed her lips. "Drinks are free for racers."

"Oh, right." Cunningham laughed a little too loudly, and it was then I took note of the way he, too, braced his weight against the bar.

The room hummed and buzzed with the sound of laughter and chitchat. From the party's start at 8pm, there was no doubt people had already heavily imbibed. But for Liz, seeing someone who usually appeared so poised, apparently buzzed, was disturbing, to say the least.

"I…actually, I should probably head home," Liz pulled her clutch to her chest and tried to focus on that instead of the strange, sloe-eyed look Cunnginham was giving her.

"Home? It's almost midnight." He slid an arm around her shoulder, his fingertips just grazing her breast. "You're supposed to stay for the ball drop. That's the whole point of New Year's, you know." He teased her, and Liz couldn't stop the little smirk from gracing her features.

"Yeah, I _know_, I just—

_I stared up at the sun…_

"—oh hey, this is a great song." Alex grabbed Liz's wrist without thinking, and for a moment, seemed embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I…" he seemed to realize something. "I guess I've had a bit too much."

Still holding her clutch, Liz looked down at the large hand encircling her wrist. Even with his fumbled apology, Cunningham hadn't bothered to move it.

_Thought of all of the people, places, and things I've loved._

"Me too," she chuckled, and then when the strange silence between them had become too much, cleared her throat. "Well…bye, I guess."

She started to pull her arm away, but just before they parted, Cunningham held onto her fingertips.

"15 minutes left." He smiled, gesturing at one of the large screen televisions. "Stay. Humor me."

Under Cunningham's intense gaze, Liz suddenly felt uncomfortable. She'd never really dealt with a drunk guy before, and being pretty far gone herself, had no idea how to react.

Against her better judgment, she found herself smiling. "15 minutes."

"Hey Alex!"

A familiar voice startled Liz for the second time that night. This time, however, she didn't turn around.

"Takeshi!" Cunningham called back over Liz's shoulder. She didn't know when the two had become such good friends, but admired the way they seemed to be able to leave the rivalry on the track. At least for one night.

"Oh hey…" It was Fantine's voice that got Liz to turn. That soft, sweet, airy little voice she imagined every guy wanted to hear moan their name.

"Hey," she finally looked up from the bar. The petite blonde was in a tight dress of her own – looking far more modelesque, Liz noted, suddenly feeling quite ashamed of the ample bosom bursting over the scoop neck of her dress.

Takeshi met Liz's gaze, and he let his hand fall away from Fantine's waist.

"I…" he looked her over. "I didn't even realize it was you."

Liz could feel herself blushing, but just gave a shrug. "Yeah, well…"

Fantine cleared her throat a little, blotted a bit at the smudge of lipstick on Takeshi's lips. "So… Liz, Alex… I didn't know you two were coming together as a couple!"

She clapped her hands together and Liz nearly dropped her clutch.

"Couple? W-we di…" She started to protest, but then bit her lips together. What was the point? She'd already made a fool out of herself dressing up for someone who didn't want her. There was no need to rub more salt in the wound by admitting she'd got all dolled up just to come alone.

"Yeah, well. Didn't want everyone to know so soon, right Liz?" Cunningham suddenly cut in. He laughed heartily, hugging her around the shoulders again. Liz could only stare, dumbfounded, at a startled looking Takeshi.

"Oh." Abruptly, he reached for a glass of rum punch from a serving tray and knocked it back. "I…had no idea."

Alex just shrugged.

"Five minutes!" Fantine cheered suddenly, and the foursome looked up towards the monitors. The rest of the bar had become a little quieter, and out of the corner of her eye, Liz could see couples forming – laughing and edging tenderly toward one another.

Panicked, she pushed her way from the bar. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Alcohol clouding his judgment, Cunningham swiftly followed. When she finally reached the crowded bathroom and managed to shut herself into a stall, there were tears of frustration in her eyes.

"Goddamn it Ricarro, pull yourself together!" Liz hissed to herself, banging her clutch against her thigh. "You're not a fucking wimp!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the stall door, and Liz quickly blotted at her eyes.

"Occupied!" she called out.

The knocking intensified, and Liz snarled at the door. "I said I'm in here!"

The stall lock began to jiggle fiercely, and Liz flung it open with a glare. "Look, you freakin' bimbo, don't you get—

Liz craned her neck to see the abnormally tall woman's face, but instead, was met by Alex once more. He looked slightly flushed from the drinking, but still had that stupid smirk on his lips.

_If I lose myself tonight, it'll be by your side…_

"This is a women's restroom, you know!" Liz pushed past him, trying hard to avoid the stares and judging smirks from the ladies in the toilet.

Alex just followed her back out, highly amused.

"What did you go and do that to me for, anyway?" Liz snarled as she pushed her way back onto the main floor. As he followed, Alex snatched an open bottle of Perrier from a snack table and downed it in a few gulps. Liz stopped abruptly and he ran into her back.

"What? You mean with Takeshi? You looked uncomfortable," he said smoothly. "I just wanted to lighten the mood."

"I don't need you to speak on my behalf," She huffed. "I'm a grown-ass woman."

Alex gave her curvy form a long look before smiling. "That you are. My apologies."

"What do you want from me? Is this some kind of crap your team put you up to or something?" Liz looked around angrily for any sight of Jan or Drew, but both seemed to be cozied up to girls at the bar.

"10 seconds!" A voice cried out, and Liz suddenly felt suffocated. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Fantine and Takeshi leaning into one another, as if no one else were around. Alex watched Liz become skittish, and couldn't help but be intrigued.

"I'm a 'grown-ass man' too, you know," he stepped in front of her path. Liz felt embarrassment wash over her, but trained her gaze on the floor to keep it from showing.

"I'm sorry. I just…I just need to get out of here," she sighed, and Alex leaned into her, running both palms down her arms.

"Five seconds," he leaned down to murmur in her ear. "Humor me."

_If I lose myself tonight, it'll be you and I…_

And although Liz didn't want to like it, she did. Here was this talented, attractive, famous IGPX star giving her attention, and was rebuffing him at every turn.

'He's drunk,' she told herself, but his wandering hands were clouding her judgment. She could enjoy this, couldn't she? Just a little kiss to take her mind off her own suffering?

"5…"

"4..."

"3…"

"2..."

"Cunningham…"

"—when in Rome, huh?" Alex grabbed Liz's hand, and yanked her into him.

"1!"

It started out as a soft peck. Confetti rained down all around the room as softly, the couple pressed their lips together. Alex still held her by the waist, as if scared she might run. But the music swelled, blood rushed in her ears, and Liz found herself desperate for more.

Screams of "Happy New Year" seemed to drown out all rational thought. Before she knew it, Alex's tongue was in her mouth and her hands were fisting her shirt.

'_Holy shit.'_

Suddenly, there was a rush of cheering and movement in the bar, and Liz was pushed firmly into Alex's hold. Their kiss finally broke, but gazes remained locked.

"Wanna get out of here?" Liz didn't recognize her voice.

Alex's gaze darted up from her lips, and he cracked a smile.

"Why?" he teased. Liz's cheeks burned, but she placed a hand on his chest, anyway. Though not nearly as pronounced as before, the warmth of the liquor was making her bold.

"Let's go to yours," She insisted, this time with a firm look.

"Why?" He hummed near her ear, on the edge of a chuckle. "What for?"

The feel of his breath on her neck made Liz shiver. She clenched both fists at her side and steeled herself. What was she scared of? She deserved something for herself. For once, to be catered to and cared for – if only for a night.

"I want you to make love to me," her voice was soft. Alex looked at her hard for a moment, as if he hadn't heard. But when Liz took his hand and placed it on her breast, he kissed her again, eagerly.

"Fuck me like I'm your girlfriend," she murmured against his lips. Alex made a mumbled something against her throat, and Liz caught him by the lapels.

"Do what you want tomorrow, but…tonight…" she closed her eyes. "Treat me like I'm yours."

Alex didn't need to be told twice. Without warning, he scooped her up and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. His tall, powerful form parted the sea of makeout artists like water, and Liz was too giddy to be embarrassed.

Still buzzed and laughing like kids, they raced to the end of the street to hail a cab.

For both Liz, the ride back to Alex's place felt like the longest trip ever. As they kissed and groped in the back seat, part of her hoped to god he wouldn't change his mind. She wanted this. She _needed _this.

"Here," Alex grunted sharply as the cab pulled up near a lavish high-rise. Liz stared dumbly as Alex hurriedly paid the cabbie. She knew Cunningham had been in the game for a while and that IGPX paid its veterans well, but this…

"What're you waiting for, _darling_?" He practically smirked the last word against Liz's ear.

Blushing, she followed the forward inside and into the elevator. He held her hand as he kissed her neck up 12 floors before they finally arrived at his door. Alex unlocked it and Liz pulled them both inside.

"Finally," She breathed out a little too loudly, kicking off her shoes in the doorway. She clutched him for dear life, pressing kisses on his lips, jaw, neck, and trying her best to expose more skin.

"Hey-hey…" Alex slowed her roaming hands. "Wait."

Liz, barefoot and breathing heavily, watched as Alex backed away to face a holographic panel on his wall. He tapped a few buttons and the room was suddenly enveloped in soft mood lighting. The walls opened to reveal his king-sized bed, and finally…

_I woke up with the sun…_

"That stupid song…" Liz chuckled. Alex just smiled and crept up behind her.

"Just setting the mood for my girlfriend." He chuckled into her ear, and Liz suddenly tensed. The desperation of her words back at the club came back to her in a rush, and she started to pull away.

"Don't think so hard." Alex held her still and began to kiss the nape of her neck. Slowly, his hands moved to her back, and the zipper of her dress. With every inch, Alex pressed a kiss to her bare flesh.

"As much as I loved that dress on you…" he let her step out of the shimmery black fabric. "I really do prefer it on the floor."

Liz turned to face him, and it took every drop of vodka still in her to keep from covering her naked body with both arms. Alex stared her down with the hunger and fierceness of a wolf.

"My, my. Where have you been hiding all this?" He let out a low whistle, stalking around her with a strange possessiveness.

"Stop it you dolt," said Liz, cheeks on fire, and fought the smile off her lips as she pulled him close.

They came together again, kissing, touching, but without the sense of urgency Liz felt before. There was still a hunger in Alex's movements, but slowed down. Soon, her panties slid down to join the dress, and Alex's hand molded over her sex.

"Cunningham!" When his fingers entered her, she couldn't control the squeal of delight. Alex pushed her back against the edge of the bed and kissed his way back up her thighs.

It wasn't long before the gentle touches of his fingertips were taken over by his tongue. Sitting on the edge of the plush bed, Liz couldn't help but look down at the sight between her thighs. Messy, bobbing brown hair and large, pale hands that molded over her tan skin. Alex looked up suddenly, and there was a glint of humor in his eyes. Briefly, she wondered how many other girls he'd done this to, but quickly decided that she didn't care.

One look, and he sent her over the edge. Liz wasn't sure if she was hearing fireworks or if they were all in her head.

"Fuck, Alex!" she used his first name this time, and he seemed more than pleased.

"What?" He kissed his way back up her body before claiming her lips. Liz couldn't form words. Though still dazed and shaky, she began to work at ridding Alex of his own clothing, eyes never leaving his.

_You can feel the lines start to tremble, washing what you know out to sea, yeah…_

It was like candy – peeling back the boring outer layers to reveal more and more delicious flesh. Alex let her work, watching intently, and when he finally lay beneath her, bare, it was as if a hot flash had overtaken them both. Any thoughts of Takeshi and Fantine had so quickly gone out the window. Mimicking Alex's earlier ministrations, Liz kissed her way down his body, teasingly ignoring the rigid heat pushing against her breasts.

She could feel his breathing deepening, and it wasn't long before he was touching her again, sinking his fingers into every bit of exposed flesh, almost as if begging her for something. Liz's tongue swirled over his bellybutton, down the V-like ridges of his hips, and finally…

_If I lose myself tonight, it'll be by your side…_

"Liz-"

"-don't think so hard." Liz smiled and wrapped her lips around him.

She'd never heard a man moan before. At least, not like that. Liz had only ever been with one other guy before in her lifetime, and it was an experience she'd been eager to forget. Cunningham was nothing like him, and neither were the sounds he made. Not simply grunting and growling, but deep, masculine moans that seemed to echo in the room.

She worked to hear more of them – tasting him with eyes wide open.

"Wait, Liz…" He called her name again, reluctant but eager as he pulled her mouth away from his lap. Liz could see it in his eyes he wanted to claim, pierce, fuck - and that was all right with her.

They kissed and she tasted herself on his lips – a sweet saltiness mixed with subtle notes of whiskey. She liked it, and she wanted more. Suddenly their bodies had molded together, and the hardness she'd once felt against her breasts was jutting against her thigh, pleading.

"One sec." Alex pulled away from her reluctantly and began to dig through his side table drawer for a condom. After coming up empty, Liz pulled him back down.

"Forget it," she mumbled through a kiss. "Just pull out."

_If I lose myself tonight, it'll be you and I…_

His entrance surprised her. Not hurried or rough, but a gentle parting that she barely registered before the aching fullness. Suddenly, the only thing she could remember how to say was his name, but that didn't seem to bother Alex one bit.

"Say it again," He groaned against her ear. "Again." Liz wrapped her arms around his strong back and let herself sink into delusion.

"God, Alex…"

'_Is this how it feels?'_ she wondered. _'Is this how it is when someone loves you?'_

"You feel…" Alex murmured through a kiss. "You feel incredible."

'_Me?'_ she wondered, throwing her head back against the pillow. It was the feel of him that consumed her. Alex's thrust were slow and deep and Liz had never felt anything like it before. Like something deep inside her was going to burst and swallow them both.

"Christ!"

She came, and then Alex, hammering hard and breathing deep into the space between her breasts. Still, Liz kept her legs locked around his waist, not wanting to feel him slip from between her thighs and out of her dream.

When she woke again, Alex was rolled over on his side, out like a light. His once chiseled, tense features were soft, and boy-like. Sitting up, sheets wrapped around her chest, Liz traced them – drawing her fingertip over his eyelids, down his nose, his jaw. She wanted to take a piece of this – a memory of something good.

She couldn't stay with him. In the morning, things would be too harsh and too real.

Shifting quietly in the dark, Liz shrugged her dress back down over her hips, grabbed a few tissues to clean up, and strapped herself back into her heels. It was fun. Just good fun. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she covered her face with both hands. It was a hard thing to convince herself of, then.

Behind her, Cunningham stirred ever so slightly, and Liz took it as her cue to leave. She didn't need any more drama in her life that night. Moving quickly, Liz passed a kissing couple near the elevator. They broke their liplock to smile, and at the thought of her own kiss with Alex, Liz felt something flutter inside her.

"Happy new year," the girl grinned.

Smiling to herself, Liz backed into the elevator and let the doors close on between them. "…yeah. Happy New Year."

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><p>AN: Just a oneshot. It was kinda cheesy, but hey! I love that song, too! I love the whole album, really… And actually… I'm not going to lie. I kind of like this fic as an intro to something… Hm.<p> 


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